Okay, so as part of my resolution for the new year and mostly because I have not been reading as much as I used to I have made a list of what I would like to read this year. My goal is to read at most 50 of the books on this list before the year is up. Also any recommendations will be greatly appreciated even if they are put on a backlog of things to read. At the end of each year I will list the number of books read and start the count from zero.
Books Read: 23
Series Completed: 2
Books Read: 36
Series Completed: 5
- Current Mood: determined
Also not dead!
Writing isn't the only thing on my mind lately. College is looming closer and closer and each time I think about I get the feeling like I'm going to fail. I haven't done anything for it yet, no scholarships done, my essays are only half finished and I haven't even started on applications. I want to go to college but when I can barely keep up in high school I wonder how I'll manage in college? I am so backlogged on work for my classes it's ridiculous. Sometimes I just want a sign that everything will be alright; that all my horrible actions won't come and bite me in the ass at the worst possible time and destroy my future.
These worries keep me up at night and when I try to forget about them and focus on mindless tasks I just make it worse for myself. A friend told me today that because I don't like to think about them I don't do anything to fix them and it terrifies and makes me feel so ashamed and guilty for how true it is. I hate feeling like this and I question if there is something truly wrong with me. No one else has these fears and problems and maybe I'm just too stupid or lazy or awful for anyone else to feel like this. I just want to get past this already but I don't know how.
- Current Mood: anxious
I don't know. I just feel so emotional, like I don't know what to feel. How do you deal with that? I do feel so much better though and I think everyone needs a good long cry. It's cathartic.
Seriously, how do you prepare yourself for that? I don't even know if I'm ready and considering how badly I screwed my GPA over despite my test scores I'm afraid I'll get rejected from everywhere I apply. What will happen if I end up attending community college? I don't know what I'd do! Please let me attend the four year institution of my choice, oh patron god of college!
As application deadlines approach be prepared to hear more college panic from me. I'm so freaking out here it's not even funny. And here I thought senior year was supposed to be easy.
- Current Mood:panicked
Anyway, school as started again and I am dreading the homework loads that are sure to come. I so do not want to think about how much work it will be. I thought senior year was supposed to be the easiest? Or is that just a myth they tell you to get you through it? So far hasn't been bad though I do have a minor essay due tomorrow. I am so looking forward to the weekend! Time to catch up on things!
I am ridiculously backlogged on things I need to watch. I have to finally catch up on the Naruto anime and Yumeiro Patissiere. Both are on my list and then a whole bunch of crap. I did finally watch Baccano! though. Seriously where has this been all my life?! It is so good!
But yes things to do and I will put more of an effort toward updating this journal. My back to school resolution!
- Current Mood: productive
- Less time spent on the computer
- More time with friends and family
- Read at least 50 books this year
- Write more and improve writing
- Become more active
Get my permit!
- Loose weight
- Get into a good college!
- Stop procrastination
- Time management
- Current Mood: optimistic