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Book List

Okay, so as part of my resolution for the new year and mostly because I have not been reading as much as I used to I have made a list of what I would like to read this year. My goal is to read at most 50 of the books on this list before the year is up. Also any recommendations will be greatly appreciated even if they are put on a backlog of things to read.  At the end of each year I will list the number of books read and start the count from zero.

The ListCollapse )


Year 2010:
Books Read: 23
Series Completed: 2

Year 2011:
Books Read: 36
Series Completed: 5


SIGNAL BOOST: SAY YES TO GAY YA

Originally posted by darkspirited1 at SIGNAL BOOST: SAY YES TO GAY YA
This comes from an article by rachelmanija

Note to self

Remember to do a ridiculous Kateikyoushi Hitman Reborn! rec. Also icons! Especially adorable Tsuna ones
What does it say about me when instead of doing school work I watch a show about serial killers and the people who catch them?

Also not dead!

Worries

Lately, I've been wondering if what I want to do with my life is really right for me. I want to be a writer, I always believed that that was what I was meant to be, but when I take the time and think about it all the passion and love I had for writing seems to have disappeared. When I was in elementary and middle school I was constantly writing-I have a whole bin full of unfinished work from that period in my life- but now I can't write at all. All the drive and devotion I had for it is gone. I can't write anymore and that scares me more then anything. Worst of all though it makes me wonder if I will ever get anywhere without it; writing was the only thing I felt I was good at and now that I'm in the world faced with people who are far better at it then I am all the confidence I had in my craft is gone. I have no clue what I want to do now or whether it's even worth it.

Writing isn't the only thing on my mind lately. College is looming closer and closer and each time I think about I get the feeling like I'm going to fail. I haven't done anything for it yet, no scholarships done, my essays are only half finished and I haven't even started on applications. I want to go to college but when I can barely keep up in high school I wonder how I'll manage in college? I am so backlogged on work for my classes it's ridiculous. Sometimes I just want a sign that everything will be alright; that all my horrible actions won't come and bite me in the ass at the worst possible time and destroy my future.

These worries keep me up at night and when I try to forget about them and focus on mindless tasks I just make it worse for myself. A friend told me today that because I don't like to think about them I don't do anything to fix them and it terrifies and makes me feel so ashamed and guilty for how true it is. I hate feeling like this and I question if there is something truly wrong with me. No one else has these fears and problems and maybe I'm just too stupid or lazy or awful for anyone else to feel like this. I just want to get past this already but I don't know how.

Emotional

I don't know why, but I am so upset right now. It's not even really her fault. She was just the last straw that made me break and I just started sobbing, really truly bawling. I still feel like crying, not as hard and not as long, but I still feel like it.  I wonder if it's just because I so rarely cry like that or if it's just from keeping everything I feel bottled up? I know I don't let my feelings get to me or show them to people. and I do feel inadequate all the time, but I just dwell on it to myself. I never really let anyone see me break down crying over it.

I don't know. I just feel so emotional, like I don't know what to feel. How do you deal with that? I do feel so much better though and I think everyone needs a good long cry. It's cathartic.

College? Eeeek!

So today a representative from my top college choice came to my school and now I am absolutely terrified for college! I don't even want to think about how close it is. I'm almost in college! Terrifying!

Seriously, how do you prepare yourself for that? I don't even know if I'm ready and considering how badly I screwed my GPA over despite my test scores I'm afraid I'll get rejected from everywhere I apply.   What will happen if I end up attending community college? I don't know what I'd do! Please let me attend the four year institution of my choice, oh patron god of college!

As application deadlines approach be prepared to hear more college panic from me. I'm so freaking out here it's not even funny. And here I thought senior year was supposed to be easy.

Life

So it just occurred to me I have not updated this journal since January. Yeah.

Anyway, school as started again and I am dreading the homework loads that are sure to come. I so do not want to think about how much work it will be. I thought senior year was supposed to be the easiest? Or is that just a myth they tell you to get you through it? So far hasn't been bad though I do have a minor essay due tomorrow. I am so looking forward to the weekend! Time to catch up on things!

I am ridiculously backlogged on things I need to watch. I have to finally catch up on the Naruto anime and Yumeiro Patissiere. Both are on my list and then a whole bunch of crap. I did finally watch Baccano! though. Seriously where has this been all my life?! It is so good!

But yes things to do and I will put more of an effort toward updating this journal. My back to school resolution!

A NEW YEAR! 2010 IS HERE!

Yay! Finally a new year is here. I have to say I kind of just want to block out the past year, so terrible it has been. Luckily it is finally 2010 and time for a fresh start. So I have decided to set a some resolutions for myself this year whether I will stick to them is up for debate :
RESOLUTIONS 2010
  • Less time spent on the computer
  • More time with friends and family
  • Read at least 50 books this year
  • Write more and improve writing
  • Become more active
  • Get my permit!
  • Loose weight
  • Get into a good college!
  • Stop procrastination
  • Time management
Alright, so they are rather lame resolutions but they are resolutions! Anyway, this year my goal is to meet at least five of my resolutions and hopefully improve overall! Here is to a successful new year!

Tests are evil.

AP Lang tests are the evilest especially when they have you waking up at 6:30am on a Saturday. Now excuse me while I collapse from exhaustion